Our little cousin recently wrote in her blog about the subject matter of 'romantic'. Of course i clearly remembers about one of my ideal way of appreciating romantic gestures from my so-called 'other half'; playing guitar under the sun or (think you missed out this one), playing piano under the moonlight..for those who knows me and must be very well, i am indeed a hopelessly sentimental and one romantic sapien *grins*.
In most instances, my way of appreciating romantic gestures vary and fortunately enough, i have bumped into many romantic men as far as i can remember. They were men who loves to write long and lengthy love letter rather than talking over the phone (also not to mention the fact that i instantly gets very shy and blushing when i started to talk with someone i really like and because of that, it would be rare to listen to a full statement from my mouth other than the shorter versions of pleasantness). Of course, there was a guy who used to ring me up middle of the night and start singing 'diari seorang lelaki' over the phone with his not so un-professional guitar pick. And also, was a guy who used to leave roses and cards on my car screen on special events. And also, guy who pulled out the chair for me and take food into my plates and treated me like an absolute lady. What happened to all these guys? Taken! and what happened to me? Undecided! as simple as that.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Winter Break
So i'm back from my winter break; sick just like last year's Paris's trip. In future, i will avoid travelling during winter time. Will write about the travel when the fever is less tormenting. Nevertheless, happy new year to all!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Complete these sentences...
1. My ex-boyfriend ~ is now married
2. I am listening to ~ schindler's list curses
3. Maybe I should ~ control my eating habit during this holiday season
4. I like learning ~ law
5. My best friend(s) ~ are those i treated more like a family than a friend
6. I don't understand ~ why it's often difficult for me to compromise in 'one' thing
7. I lost ~ the first sapien who thought me that 'other' feeling
8. Many people said ~ i'm dreaming too high for a girl
9. The meaning of my name ~ an observer
10. Love is ~ something that leads to a thought of raising a family together
11. I dont like ~ things when they are not reciprocated
12. I will try ~ to get a full life closure before 30
13. The meaning of "forever" ~ family values and good friends
14. My handphone ~ is an iphone
15. I am very annoyed ~ when things are not reciprocated even after trying too hard
16. Whenever I wake up from sleep ~ i wish it's a holiday
17. Party is ~ fun when the 'kids' are not in their studious mode
18. The cutest animal ~ is never in my thought
19. The best age ~ between 19 - 24 because i was at the 'top of the pop'
20. I felt tension today ~ for being a full time potato couch
21. Tonight i will ~ try to recall my favourite dreams
22. When i look at myself in the mirror this morning ~ thought i have gained few pounds over the holiday
23. Shopping mall ~ is easily accessible when i'm not in KL
24. Fast food are usually ~ my favourite when i need a quick lunch/dinner fix
25. Last sentence to a person ~ all the best!
Now tagging:
a) Anak bebeh
b) Adik Yana
c) Kak Thirah
d) Saiful Azry
2. I am listening to ~ schindler's list curses
3. Maybe I should ~ control my eating habit during this holiday season
4. I like learning ~ law
5. My best friend(s) ~ are those i treated more like a family than a friend
6. I don't understand ~ why it's often difficult for me to compromise in 'one' thing
7. I lost ~ the first sapien who thought me that 'other' feeling
8. Many people said ~ i'm dreaming too high for a girl
9. The meaning of my name ~ an observer
10. Love is ~ something that leads to a thought of raising a family together
11. I dont like ~ things when they are not reciprocated
12. I will try ~ to get a full life closure before 30
13. The meaning of "forever" ~ family values and good friends
14. My handphone ~ is an iphone
15. I am very annoyed ~ when things are not reciprocated even after trying too hard
16. Whenever I wake up from sleep ~ i wish it's a holiday
17. Party is ~ fun when the 'kids' are not in their studious mode
18. The cutest animal ~ is never in my thought
19. The best age ~ between 19 - 24 because i was at the 'top of the pop'
20. I felt tension today ~ for being a full time potato couch
21. Tonight i will ~ try to recall my favourite dreams
22. When i look at myself in the mirror this morning ~ thought i have gained few pounds over the holiday
23. Shopping mall ~ is easily accessible when i'm not in KL
24. Fast food are usually ~ my favourite when i need a quick lunch/dinner fix
25. Last sentence to a person ~ all the best!
Now tagging:
a) Anak bebeh
b) Adik Yana
c) Kak Thirah
d) Saiful Azry
Christmas movie...
"Why me....?"
"Because you saw me when i was invisible...."
Can you guess which movie i am referring to?
Good Luck!
p/s : Selamat Menyambut Maal Hijrah to all. May this new year brings better things in our lives. It's time for some major changes in attitude i pressume..
Safe Journey
Why can't we get all the people together in the world
that we really like and then just stay together?
I guess that wouldn't work.
Someone would leave.
Someone always leaves.
Then we would have to say good-bye.
I hate good-byes.
I know what I need.
I need more hellos.
Charles M. Schulz
Nadwah and Najib - Dublin Airport 28/12/2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
The 1st day of Christmas...
Finally it's christmas. It's not so much about the celebration itself, but it's the long 'off-work' break that counts. Today's weather seems very gloomy. Not even a slightest sunshine. Feels like there's going to be rain drops in any seconds from now. Well, at least i'm still at home. Doing nothing important and anticipating for the roast chicken....still undergo the marinating process while this is written; a 'tial and error' recipe from a friend who is also currently living with me.
Last year's christmas was slightly different. I was in Paris with a little sister and another friend of hers who sounded almost alike! Unfortunately, i didn't really enjoyed the whole week. Being a first timer exposed to the indefinite cold weather after a very long time, i was at my worst health. Back from Paris, i extended my medical leave for another week due to a chest infection that caused me the 'winter coughs' and unsettled temperature. This reminds me of a very sarcastic 'concern' from one of my Irish bosses; "are you dying naz?". Nevertheless, definitely i will plan another visit to the land of 'romance' in near future and enjoy the fun Disneyland a little bit more!
Despite of the mundane christmas morning and surprisingly quiet atmosphere, i am eagerly waiting for our so-called 'indoor christmas lunch' later today.
While waiting, i vet through some very old stuffs in my computer and drawers; inter-alia, old videos and documents. I can't stop laughing looking at all those videos during my lecturing days back in utm and the 'kids' during our earlier days getting to know each other. Loads of 'Oohhhhh' and 'Ahhhh' browsing through videos of my baby cousins and nephew and can't help thinking how un'baby'ish they are now.
One of my favourite memories with them, particularly Farah; i was in my early 24 and she was just 2. I was at the time, travelling 3 times a day from Ampang to Shah Alam as i was going through my Msc in ITM (and hating it). I always made the effort of stopping by Kak Min's and there Farah was, waiting for me at the main door. Upon seeing me getting out of the car, "MAMA NA! MAMA NA!"...with her wide open arms while running towards me...I lifted her with my full hug and landed my kisses on her lip and cheeks.
Saying goodbye was always the hardest part. I remembered everytime i was about to leave the house, my aunt will usually 'tricked' Farah by saying that mama na is getting something from her car. Of course, once in the car and hit the gas, i drove past the main gate and there she was, crying out loud from the entrance with her tiny fingers pointing at me. i was really heart broken seeing her in that state and can't help myself from crying silently behind the wheels. Farah is now around 6-7, i think? Yet, she is still the same shy and sweet little girl i know and still crying softly on my shoulders when she is upset. I will hug her gently and whispers comforting words in her ear and kisses top of her head over and over again until she fall asleep. What a beautiful feeling....
Other than old stuffs i found on my laptop, i flipped through old documents i kept inside my personal file (you know, the one you use to keep all your important certificates, etc.). It was really disorganised. I don't even know why i still keep most of these documents. Of course, 2 documents attracted my memory lane most; a certificate i received from the faculty for being the 'most obedient student' and a very old letter wrote from a dear friend on the night before she passed away.
The first was a very odd document. I got it out of surprised and overwhelmed with mixed feelings; proud and embarassed. Proud because i thought i was being a perfect role model to all surveying students; 3 pointers and a student leader. Embarassed; as at that moment i thought i was either being the biggest geek in the whole faculty or the kind of 'kissed-butt' student. Anyway, i was glad though because my best friend Khairil Hafiz received the same. That was a huge relief. At least i can confirmed on the level of recognition the faculty is benchmarking. We both received a certificate and a RM30 cash. We both later treated all our friends who were at the 'caremony' at university's pasar ramadhan. We did have a great laugh thinking about it anyway.
"Yes Anak bebeh, believe it..your kak na is a very good girl!"..
and "You kiddo, please don't laugh..."
One the other hand, the letter was something i consider extremely personal and one emotional document. It was written by a dear friend on the night before she was found 'lifeless' the next morning by her mother. Her name was Aina. She was a mixed blood; a malay father and an english mother.
She was full of life and was a very vibrant character as far as i can remember. That very year, she was introduced by her family to an older man from Brunei, who is a lawyer. The name was Solihin. They both were engaged few months after that. Aina never met Solihin before. Infact, she never had experience in a relationship too. Aina refused to accept Solihin even after engagement; refused to talk to him and even meeting him. Until one night, Aina called me all the way from Sarawak. She said she is going to confront her parents that she wanted to call off the engagement. I told her don't be silly. It's not as easy as it sounds like. She was stubborn. Few hours later, she rang me back; this time crying. She finally said it. As a friend, i was speechless. Not knowing what to say.
Days later after the huge arguments, Solihin took her out for a date for the very first time. Aina was very nervous. This was also her first date ever with a man, all by herself. She constantly texting me; where she's heading, what solihin's doing, etc. It was madness and silly i thinked. I also thought she was being funny. The first date went surprisingly well. Aina fell in love for the very first time in her life. We both were thrillef! Months passed. We exchanged news everyday.
One early morning, i received a call from Aina. She was crying. Told me she is at the airport heading to Brunei. Solihin had an accident. Was pretty bad i heard. I prayed hard for things to go well for both. Later that day, Aina texted me. Solihin passed away. I was speechless again. Since that day, Aina was never again the same.
She stop contacting me since. It has been few months until one day, she finally called. Told me she was in hospital for few weeks. She passed out one day. She did not eat well or sleep. Her mother was badly traumatised when she passed out. She was her only child. Aina told me she pitied her mother. She wanted to change. She wanted to forget about Solihin. She managed to change finally.
We communicated more often. She told me about her flowers and trees and how by talking to them made her released her sadness about Solihin and also how it will make those flowers blooming even more. She told me she is writing a recipe book. Once it's full, she will send them to me. She warned me to learn to cook! She also told me that she spent more time at the mosque, teaching English for free. She seems happier but once in a while, she will start talking about Solihin again. This will make her sad. I feel sad for her too.
I remembered that very night she called me. It was also the last night i talked to her. We were talking about everything until i asked her to stop. I was busy with something else i said. Before she hang up, she said about having this poking pain on her left chest. I told her to take a rest. She said could it be a heart attack? I told her don't be silly!
The next afternoon, Aina called me. Surprised, it wasn't her voice but her sister; Tengku Noraini (from the 1st wife). She said Aina passed away!! She had a heart attacked. She died in her sleep though. Her mom found her lifeless on the bed when she failed to turned up for Subuh's prayer. I was stunned. My heart beats faster and faster. I wanted to cry but i can't. The tears just not coming out. Noraini said Aina left me a letter. It was in an envelope with my name on it; sealed and ready to be delivered. Noraini said Aina was not being fair. She left her family without even saying good bye but she left me with something. She was controlling her tears. I can tell from the way her voice cracked. It was surreal. For me, Aina is still alive. I talked to her the night before!
Few days after her death, I had this weird dream. I saw Aina in my dream. It was very vauge though and i can't remember everything. But she was there. Looking at me. Perhaps trying to say something to me. I remembered i woke up with warm tears on my face. I cried in my sleep. That night, i finally accepted that my dear friend is no longer here.
I received her long awaited letter a week after. It was a very long one. She wrote them the night she had the last conversation with me.
She wrote about her flowers and plants. She told me how Japanese Roses reminds her about our friendship. She wrote about her recipes and English classes. She seems happy. She wrote about me too and how i looked like a 16 years old school prefect. She said how impressed she was with me when i easily landed new job less than 48 hours after i resigned from my horrible 1st job. She jokingly said, perhaps i casted a spell on the interviewer with my innocent face.
She wrote about Solihin too. She wished she was in the same car with him so at least they would die together. She also said she will never fall in love again and neither will let another man touches her. She also reminded me that when the right guy walks into my life and i know he sincerely loves me, don't ever let him down if i feel the same way too. Lastly, she said i always been her best friend and that little sister she never had.
Then she wrote about the poking pain on her chest. She thought perhaps it was the stress. And then she wrote, "takkan muda-muda nak kena heart-attack pulak kan?". When it comes to this part, i bursted into tears. I cried and cried like i never cried before. I remember the night she told about the pain but i just dismissed her for being busy with something else. I should have known. Perhaps if i show more concern, she might take it seriously and tell her parents at least. But i did not.
It has been almost 5 years since Aina passed away. I rarely thinked about her though but i still keep the memories of her with me. Like her sister once said to me, at least i have her letters. Al-fatihah...
Good night naz..
Last year's christmas was slightly different. I was in Paris with a little sister and another friend of hers who sounded almost alike! Unfortunately, i didn't really enjoyed the whole week. Being a first timer exposed to the indefinite cold weather after a very long time, i was at my worst health. Back from Paris, i extended my medical leave for another week due to a chest infection that caused me the 'winter coughs' and unsettled temperature. This reminds me of a very sarcastic 'concern' from one of my Irish bosses; "are you dying naz?". Nevertheless, definitely i will plan another visit to the land of 'romance' in near future and enjoy the fun Disneyland a little bit more!
Despite of the mundane christmas morning and surprisingly quiet atmosphere, i am eagerly waiting for our so-called 'indoor christmas lunch' later today.
While waiting, i vet through some very old stuffs in my computer and drawers; inter-alia, old videos and documents. I can't stop laughing looking at all those videos during my lecturing days back in utm and the 'kids' during our earlier days getting to know each other. Loads of 'Oohhhhh' and 'Ahhhh' browsing through videos of my baby cousins and nephew and can't help thinking how un'baby'ish they are now.
One of my favourite memories with them, particularly Farah; i was in my early 24 and she was just 2. I was at the time, travelling 3 times a day from Ampang to Shah Alam as i was going through my Msc in ITM (and hating it). I always made the effort of stopping by Kak Min's and there Farah was, waiting for me at the main door. Upon seeing me getting out of the car, "MAMA NA! MAMA NA!"...with her wide open arms while running towards me...I lifted her with my full hug and landed my kisses on her lip and cheeks.
Saying goodbye was always the hardest part. I remembered everytime i was about to leave the house, my aunt will usually 'tricked' Farah by saying that mama na is getting something from her car. Of course, once in the car and hit the gas, i drove past the main gate and there she was, crying out loud from the entrance with her tiny fingers pointing at me. i was really heart broken seeing her in that state and can't help myself from crying silently behind the wheels. Farah is now around 6-7, i think? Yet, she is still the same shy and sweet little girl i know and still crying softly on my shoulders when she is upset. I will hug her gently and whispers comforting words in her ear and kisses top of her head over and over again until she fall asleep. What a beautiful feeling....
Other than old stuffs i found on my laptop, i flipped through old documents i kept inside my personal file (you know, the one you use to keep all your important certificates, etc.). It was really disorganised. I don't even know why i still keep most of these documents. Of course, 2 documents attracted my memory lane most; a certificate i received from the faculty for being the 'most obedient student' and a very old letter wrote from a dear friend on the night before she passed away.
The first was a very odd document. I got it out of surprised and overwhelmed with mixed feelings; proud and embarassed. Proud because i thought i was being a perfect role model to all surveying students; 3 pointers and a student leader. Embarassed; as at that moment i thought i was either being the biggest geek in the whole faculty or the kind of 'kissed-butt' student. Anyway, i was glad though because my best friend Khairil Hafiz received the same. That was a huge relief. At least i can confirmed on the level of recognition the faculty is benchmarking. We both received a certificate and a RM30 cash. We both later treated all our friends who were at the 'caremony' at university's pasar ramadhan. We did have a great laugh thinking about it anyway.
"Yes Anak bebeh, believe it..your kak na is a very good girl!"..
and "You kiddo, please don't laugh..."
One the other hand, the letter was something i consider extremely personal and one emotional document. It was written by a dear friend on the night before she was found 'lifeless' the next morning by her mother. Her name was Aina. She was a mixed blood; a malay father and an english mother.
She was full of life and was a very vibrant character as far as i can remember. That very year, she was introduced by her family to an older man from Brunei, who is a lawyer. The name was Solihin. They both were engaged few months after that. Aina never met Solihin before. Infact, she never had experience in a relationship too. Aina refused to accept Solihin even after engagement; refused to talk to him and even meeting him. Until one night, Aina called me all the way from Sarawak. She said she is going to confront her parents that she wanted to call off the engagement. I told her don't be silly. It's not as easy as it sounds like. She was stubborn. Few hours later, she rang me back; this time crying. She finally said it. As a friend, i was speechless. Not knowing what to say.
Days later after the huge arguments, Solihin took her out for a date for the very first time. Aina was very nervous. This was also her first date ever with a man, all by herself. She constantly texting me; where she's heading, what solihin's doing, etc. It was madness and silly i thinked. I also thought she was being funny. The first date went surprisingly well. Aina fell in love for the very first time in her life. We both were thrillef! Months passed. We exchanged news everyday.
One early morning, i received a call from Aina. She was crying. Told me she is at the airport heading to Brunei. Solihin had an accident. Was pretty bad i heard. I prayed hard for things to go well for both. Later that day, Aina texted me. Solihin passed away. I was speechless again. Since that day, Aina was never again the same.
She stop contacting me since. It has been few months until one day, she finally called. Told me she was in hospital for few weeks. She passed out one day. She did not eat well or sleep. Her mother was badly traumatised when she passed out. She was her only child. Aina told me she pitied her mother. She wanted to change. She wanted to forget about Solihin. She managed to change finally.
We communicated more often. She told me about her flowers and trees and how by talking to them made her released her sadness about Solihin and also how it will make those flowers blooming even more. She told me she is writing a recipe book. Once it's full, she will send them to me. She warned me to learn to cook! She also told me that she spent more time at the mosque, teaching English for free. She seems happier but once in a while, she will start talking about Solihin again. This will make her sad. I feel sad for her too.
I remembered that very night she called me. It was also the last night i talked to her. We were talking about everything until i asked her to stop. I was busy with something else i said. Before she hang up, she said about having this poking pain on her left chest. I told her to take a rest. She said could it be a heart attack? I told her don't be silly!
The next afternoon, Aina called me. Surprised, it wasn't her voice but her sister; Tengku Noraini (from the 1st wife). She said Aina passed away!! She had a heart attacked. She died in her sleep though. Her mom found her lifeless on the bed when she failed to turned up for Subuh's prayer. I was stunned. My heart beats faster and faster. I wanted to cry but i can't. The tears just not coming out. Noraini said Aina left me a letter. It was in an envelope with my name on it; sealed and ready to be delivered. Noraini said Aina was not being fair. She left her family without even saying good bye but she left me with something. She was controlling her tears. I can tell from the way her voice cracked. It was surreal. For me, Aina is still alive. I talked to her the night before!
Few days after her death, I had this weird dream. I saw Aina in my dream. It was very vauge though and i can't remember everything. But she was there. Looking at me. Perhaps trying to say something to me. I remembered i woke up with warm tears on my face. I cried in my sleep. That night, i finally accepted that my dear friend is no longer here.
I received her long awaited letter a week after. It was a very long one. She wrote them the night she had the last conversation with me.
She wrote about her flowers and plants. She told me how Japanese Roses reminds her about our friendship. She wrote about her recipes and English classes. She seems happy. She wrote about me too and how i looked like a 16 years old school prefect. She said how impressed she was with me when i easily landed new job less than 48 hours after i resigned from my horrible 1st job. She jokingly said, perhaps i casted a spell on the interviewer with my innocent face.
She wrote about Solihin too. She wished she was in the same car with him so at least they would die together. She also said she will never fall in love again and neither will let another man touches her. She also reminded me that when the right guy walks into my life and i know he sincerely loves me, don't ever let him down if i feel the same way too. Lastly, she said i always been her best friend and that little sister she never had.
Then she wrote about the poking pain on her chest. She thought perhaps it was the stress. And then she wrote, "takkan muda-muda nak kena heart-attack pulak kan?". When it comes to this part, i bursted into tears. I cried and cried like i never cried before. I remember the night she told about the pain but i just dismissed her for being busy with something else. I should have known. Perhaps if i show more concern, she might take it seriously and tell her parents at least. But i did not.
It has been almost 5 years since Aina passed away. I rarely thinked about her though but i still keep the memories of her with me. Like her sister once said to me, at least i have her letters. Al-fatihah...
Good night naz..
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